Overcome the Excuses That Prevent Connection With Others
Relationships is where our healing and our frustration intersect. The truth is that people continue to develop me by sowing money, time and effort, so I can be the best Rosalind possible.
There were also character traits that were modeled before me, giving me permission to develop my own version of those qualities.
One friend (friends are my personal success team) taught me through example, how to address offenses with others at work and in my personal life with calmness and grace rather than leveraging my usual emotionally charged style towards others, The result? My new interactions “saved” relationships while addressing tough issues that hurt. As I practiced self-respect, my work and personal relationships have improved which in turn has boosted my performance at work and in life.
On the other hand, people can be a source of aggravation and disappointment. How often have I allowed emotionally abrasive people into my space with their judgment in hand to rip up my dreams and wound my heart?
While it is true we need discernment to decide who enters our inner circle and transforms us, just as important is identifying and overcoming the false solutions we use to keep people, our source of development at bay. This is the greater tragedy.
So here are three ineffective ways we try to meet our needs for connection:
Doing too Much for Others
While helping people is noble, giving too much is unhealthy.
Supporting others in destructive or immature behavior, “rescuing” them from the consequences of their actions, investing excessive time, money and effort might seem you are meeting your relational needs but you aren’t. Are you able to ask for and receive support from your relationships? Is it a place where you can discuss your fears, dreams and issues? Giving too much may feel like a connection, but if it fails to be mutual, a disconnection results.
At the heart of addictions to food, alcohol, sex or activity is the rush often described by many addicts. A powerful, yet temporary connection has been made to the substance of choice. However, the bond is always short-lived, and leaves a person more lonely, disconnected to others and addicted. Addressing these issues through a professional intervention, and ultimately learning how to respond to life’s challenges by turning to authentic connections is the goal for addicts.
Agreeing when we don’t, failing to say “no” to another’s undesirable behavior, banking months and sometimes years of anxiety, anger and hurt within us eventually leads to emotional “explosions” which damages relationships. Additionally, an authentic connection can’t be made when another person “hides” through niceness and silence in an attempt to get along with others. Connection, on the other hand, incorporates truth, honesty and problem solving.
These false attempts at connecting with others and things actually have the opposite affect–we miss out on the life-giving sense of belonging that we are wired to experience so we can withstand the many trials of life.
If you feel empty, if you are tired of being lonely and unknown, give up these false solutions, and begin the process of reaching out for real connections.
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